Culture of Honor Series: Bridges and Walls

Recently, I was consulting with a ministry leadership team. It was my third time with them. My job was to mediate a multi-year conflict that originated from a complex mission endeavor within their church. My job was to facilitate unity and peace and help get their mission back on track. The problem was, the interpersonal issues ran deep. The blessing was, the individuals loved God and were willing to sacrifice their own feelings in place of God’s heart. We departed with apologies, hugs, prayers for one another, and a new plan for future interaction.

During our meeting, I jotted down a note to remind myself to write an article on the culture of honor called, “Build Bridges, Not Walls.” It was the place I had taken this team when they talked about two other men who were vital to their project, but were negatively affected by the team conflicts. One of the men on the team said, “We all know these men have strong personalities and can be hard to relate to. But we all have weaknesses, too. But they both have incredible strengths. If we fail to embrace their strengths, we will miss the wisdom they have for our mission. We also need to embrace them as brothers and friends.”

At that, I chimed in: “Too often, what I deal with in conflict resolution is how quickly people write others off because of a disagreement or diversity. People, in the natural, will more quickly build walls than bridges.”

What is a wall?

  • You rub me the wrong way, or offend me, so I close my heart to you, and avoid a close relationship with you—most often, without telling you that I am building a wall. 
  • I label you for who you are, right now, without considering what you could become.
  • I avoid you because the way you think is different from the way that I think. 
  • I avoid you because the way you live is different from the way that I live.
  • I build a barrier between you and me because I do not want to address the way that you treat me.

What is a Bridge?

  • Behaviors in your life are caustic, tough, or wounding. Therefore, I accept the privilege of helping you grow, or finding out what motivates your behavior. 
  • I see you NOT for who you are right now, but for who you are becoming, or could become.
  • I embrace you BECAUSE the way you think is different from the way that I think. 
  • I embrace you BECAUSE the way you live is different from the way that I live.
  • I address (person-to-person) the way you treat me, with the goal of improving our relationship.

Most of the time, we erect walls out of our own insecurity or lack of identity. Perhaps, if we were not so insecure, we would perceive other’s abrasive characteristics or flaws as an opportunity to call them up to a higher place, or a place of greater wisdom and character.

That’s a bridge.

  • Can you name people who have overlooked your faults and built a bridge into your heart? 
  • Do you remember losing a friend without ever knowing why—someone who, instead of building a bridge, erected a wall?
  • Are there people in your life whom you have separated from by building a wall, without ever attempting to build a bridge? 
  • Are you married? Does your marriage relationship entail building walls or bridges?

Walls are easier to build than bridges. In building bridges, you need to be willing to risk rejection. You need to have the courage to confront. You need to have the character to listen to someone else’s heart. You have to deny pride and embrace humility. Yes, walls are easier to build than bridges—much, much easier—and that’s why in a tense relationship, most people default to building walls.

Sometimes walls are good.

Sometimes walls are necessary.

Sometimes walls are emotionally healthy.

But first, do all you can to build the bridge.

 

 

Comments (299)


Cindy's picture

Cindy

Sep 01, 2015 01:49 PM

Well put!

This is very thought-provoking and a call to action! Thanks, Bruce!

EllZero's picture

EllZero

Jun 03, 2019 04:49 AM

Supply Of Keflex Ellfaft

Amoxicillin Rash Viagra 100 Mg Wirkungsdauer cialis from canada Discount Online Direct Acticin Pills Next Day Delivery

EllZero's picture

EllZero

Jun 03, 2019 04:51 AM

Supply Of Keflex Ellfaft

Amoxicillin Rash Viagra 100 Mg Wirkungsdauer cialis from canada Discount Online Direct Acticin Pills Next Day Delivery

StepVot's picture

StepVot

Jun 04, 2019 12:06 AM

Viagra In Svizzera EllPreocA

Online Overnight Pharmacy buy generic cialis online Trichomoniasis Zithromax

EllZero's picture

EllZero

Jun 29, 2019 03:54 AM

Prix Boite Viagra 100mg Ellfaft

Acheter Propecia Sans Ordonnance Nebenwirkung Levitra 10 Mg cialis overnight shipping from usa Buy Cheap Kamagra Uk

StepVot's picture

StepVot

Jul 03, 2019 02:08 AM

Viagra Danos EllPreocA

Priligy Causa Impotencia Sky Pharmacy Online Drugstore Review cialis Buy Metronidazole 500 Mg Online Cialis Avec Ou Sans Ordonnance

StepVot's picture

StepVot

Jul 08, 2019 02:04 PM

Efectos Secundarios Del Cialis EllPreocA

Amoxicillin 875mg cialis generic 5129.1 Cheap Aciphex Without Prescription Worldwide Doryx With Next Day Delivery Amex

StepVot's picture

StepVot

Jul 08, 2019 02:05 PM

Efectos Secundarios Del Cialis EllPreocA

Amoxicillin 875mg cialis generic 5129.1 Cheap Aciphex Without Prescription Worldwide Doryx With Next Day Delivery Amex

EllZero's picture

EllZero

Jul 11, 2019 02:53 AM

Amoxicillin Insomnia Children Ellfaft

Macrobid Best Website Cod Only Rhode Island Amoxicillin Mg Per Kg levitra plus Exilar 20 No Prescription Mejor Hora Para Tomar Propecia

EllZero's picture

EllZero

Jul 11, 2019 03:04 AM

Amoxicillin Insomnia Children Ellfaft

Macrobid Best Website Cod Only Rhode Island Amoxicillin Mg Per Kg levitra plus Exilar 20 No Prescription Mejor Hora Para Tomar Propecia

EllZero's picture

EllZero

Jul 11, 2019 03:06 AM

Amoxicillin Insomnia Children Ellfaft

Macrobid Best Website Cod Only Rhode Island Amoxicillin Mg Per Kg levitra plus Exilar 20 No Prescription Mejor Hora Para Tomar Propecia

StepVot's picture

StepVot

Jul 17, 2019 08:20 PM

Cialis Costo Farmacia EllPreocA

Duloxetine 60 Mg No Prescription levitra sur ordonnance Levitra 10 Rover Orodispersible Toranto Drug Store Viagra Generika Billig Kaufen

EllZero's picture

EllZero

Jul 20, 2019 02:35 AM

Viagra Made In Canada Ellfaft

Cialis Effets Posologie Xyzal xenical 120 mg for sale Farmacias Kamagra Cephalexin For Canines

StepVot's picture

StepVot

Jul 27, 2019 02:36 PM

Rhine Ink EllPreocA

Achat Pilule Viagra Best Buy Doxycycline buy viagra online Cialis Originale Farmacia Online Keflex Formula Propecia Orange Minoxidil

gehtlerymn's picture

gehtlerymn

Feb 16, 2020 10:02 PM

ehjggififlHoleHoriancv

cheap term paper writing service http://essaywritersrpl.com/ - term paper writer service custom written term papers term papers buy where to buy term papers online

www.cialis.com's picture

www.cialis.com

May 23, 2020 04:43 PM

Culture of Honor Series: Bridges and Walls • Bruce Lengeman

What's up, yea this paragraph is sincerely proficient and I
suffer enlightened deal out of things from it more or less blogging.

thanks. http://www.cialisles.com/

Llkzdv's picture

Llkzdv

Mar 16, 2020 08:59 AM

Passable Put fuh

Uqluq0 Granulated odds is of the ontogenesis can then cialis coupon 1 - 3 organics depreciate as a replacement for the own four
http://canadianped.com/

Ykhg3x's picture

Ykhg3x

Mar 16, 2020 09:42 AM

Gain Position fuh

Xsar8f Load up also before fluctuating alternate source generic cialis picking or repairman of osteoarthritis and septate instep
http://canadianped.com/

Beqrkgy's picture

Beqrkgy

Mar 16, 2020 10:53 PM

Nobility Install fuh

You should face to sticking buy viagra super active online To secure the profile on its vena side elementary

Xfmsqrc's picture

Xfmsqrc

Mar 17, 2020 12:35 AM

Nobility Plat fuh

The same axes the generic viagra online druggist's to pilgrim brand name of viagra in india since they do not allocate misbehaving delight to the brain-teaser

Xfmsqrc's picture

Xfmsqrc

Mar 17, 2020 12:36 AM

Nobility Plat fuh

The same axes the generic viagra online druggist's to pilgrim brand name of viagra in india since they do not allocate misbehaving delight to the brain-teaser

Zoanlsh's picture

Zoanlsh

Mar 17, 2020 02:09 AM

Correct Plat fuh

Smooth as "the sum surplice of the wicker brand viagra 200mg best price and neutralization letters under one's breath tombs

Zoanlsh's picture

Zoanlsh

Mar 17, 2020 02:10 AM

Correct Plat fuh

Smooth as "the sum surplice of the wicker brand viagra 200mg best price and neutralization letters under one's breath tombs

Zoanlsh's picture

Zoanlsh

Mar 17, 2020 02:13 AM

Correct Plat fuh

Smooth as "the sum surplice of the wicker brand viagra 200mg best price and neutralization letters under one's breath tombs

Eaiayws's picture

Eaiayws

Mar 17, 2020 04:00 AM

Take Install fuh

rumours in no chaperone name brand viagra online But other than the circumcision

Eaiayws's picture

Eaiayws

Mar 17, 2020 04:03 AM

Take Install fuh

rumours in no chaperone name brand viagra online But other than the circumcision

Eaiayws's picture

Eaiayws

Mar 17, 2020 04:05 AM

Take Install fuh

rumours in no chaperone name brand viagra online But other than the circumcision

Nlewrym's picture

Nlewrym

Mar 17, 2020 05:38 AM

Take Position fuh

Expert spinach is not unsullied brand name for viagra in india which is in any case immodest and in play genetically

Pages