In, To Kill a Lion: Destroying the Power of Lust from the Root, I write about my 15-year journey toward uncovering the root cause of my sexual addiction and lust. I want to address one diabolical lie that I encountered, stemming from the surface-management techniques plaguing Christian men throughout history.
For decades preachers, books, and seminars have tried to get men to walk in sexual purity by telling them, it’s wrong, don’t do it. Sometimes—quite often—a touch of guilt and shame is injected for more impact.
I am not saying there isn't merit in telling people that sexual immorality is wrong. We all need to know, it IS wrong! But that fact alone leaves men crying out: I know it’s wrong, but why can’t I stop? Historically, the guilt-and-shame-approach to sexual purity hasn’t worked. Unless, the goal is to merely medicate the problem on the surface. Sexual addiction is a symptom of deeper issues of the heart: wounds, fears, resentments, rejections, trauma, and so forth.
The lie is that our biological, or innate, sexuality is the enemy of sexual purity. Many men read the “it’s wrong, don’t do it” books and are left with the impression that the only hope for purity is to become less sexual. God forbid! God made men (and women) sexual beings for a good reason. A strategy for sexual healing will never come out of any effort to become a non-sexual being, or subdue your healthy sexuality.
In my journey, I discovered that a person can be pure, yet still be highly sexual. Personally, I enjoy freedom from the domination of immorality, but I am still a highly sexual being. Just ask my wife!
If you are trying to manage your sexual issues by attempting to become less sexual, I suggest a more excellent way: Ask God to show you the empty places in your heart He wants to fill, and to expose places of pain that your sexual physiology is trying to medicate. He will lead you in the right direction. You can enjoy sexuality the way it was intended by God in the beginning.