The following testimony was written from a man who recently found freedom from his pornorgraphy addiction. I am thanking God for his goodness and mercy toward us! Read on...
My long fight with pornography is over. A struggle that probably lasted the better part of 12 years has now finally been put to rest. I have struggled with looking at pornography ever since I was a young man and despite knowing it was wrong, I didn’t know how to stop. I could repress for a month, I probably even hit 6 months a couple of times… But the thing about repressing is that it will always eventually boil over.
So how, you might be asking yourself, do you know you’ve overcome? The best way I can answer that is to say that when God moves the mountain from in front of you, all of the sudden you can see everything beyond that mountain that was hidden as well.
One night, I had a dream. I was sitting at the computer, looking at pornography. My father came down the steps, and pulled the plug on the computer, and said, “You don’t need this anymore.” I then woke up. He was right… I knew that, but how do I stop? The question lingered for a couple of weeks before a clue arose.
I knew this was a battle I was ready to win, and I picked up a book called To Kill a Lion written by Bruce Lengeman. I had read this book once before, and had even been to a purity seminar by Bruce. Both times I thought it was great, but I was unable to find what I was looking for. I knew it was wrong, and I tried even harder to suppress my actions and purge my mind, but was unable to stop myself from lapsing from time to time.
This time was different from the get-go. The Lord guided me through the book this time. As I read about Bruce’s struggle to uncover the core lie that he had agreed to, it became apparent I had a lie. I searched for it a few times in the past but was unable to put my finger on it. He had talked about it in his seminar, and the first time I read through the book. But I was simply unable to figure out what gatekeeper I had set up.
This time, when I read through the section on Bruce’s struggle, it hit me. He was passive, He dreamed of a girl doing all the work. I was passive as well. He said it stemmed from a lack of attention from his parents. I thought the results of my lie are the same, but I know my parents had no lack of attention for me, so I knew this wasn’t a lie stemming from my parents, but I thought maybe it was a lack of attention. The moment I said that, it hit me. Softly at first, maybe I think girls should give me more attention. Then it became louder and stronger… Yeah! I have believed that girls don’t give me enough attention! You see, as a young man, I wasn’t exactly the crème de la crème of boys in school. The problem, however, was that one of my older brothers was the best looking, most popular kid in school. When I saw how girls treated him, it made me feel like something was wrong with me. All of the sudden, the devil told me a lie, which I have believed for 10 years too long… “These girls should be giving you all that attention.”
Within a couple of minutes I was yelling to my roommate, “It is done!” I knew immediately. I didn’t need 6 months to tell me whether or not it was done this time. Rebuking that hidden agreement immediately changed me. The best part about it was that it wasn’t just pornography that I stopped. My mind used to be a slave to bad thoughts. I was constantly trying to make myself think clean thoughts. That night, for the first time in my life, my mind was clear. I didn’t have to spend any energy trying to keep my mind focused away from racy thoughts. My mind was perfectly clear, and I never slept so peacefully in my life.
Somehow in rebuking that one agreement I had made, my mind went from a state of not free to, to free not to. If this was the result of rebuking one of the devil’s lies, I can only imagine the results of finding and rebuking other lies I’ve accepted over the years.